“Time is a drug. Too much of it kills you.”

“Finally, from so little sleeping and so much reading, his brain dried up and he went completely out of his mind.”

“Basically, I have two speeds. Hostile or smart-aleck. Your choice.”

“History will be kind to me for I intend to write it.”

“Do you wish me a good morning, or mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not; or that you feel good this morning; or that it is a morning to be good on?”

“Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.”

“What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce.”

“If writers wrote as carelessly as some people talk, then adhasdh asdglaseuyt[bn[ pasdlgkhasdfasdf.”

“Mom says it's because she has PMS.”

“I suppose I'll have to add the force of gravity to my list of enemies.”

“Some people have lives; some people have music.”

“Think left and think right and think low and think high. Oh, the thinks you can think up if only you try!”

“When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.”

“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.”

“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”

“Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.”

“But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?”

“I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train.”

“I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.”

“Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator.”

“I have great faith in fools - self-confidence my friends will call it.”

“Deadlines just aren't real to me until I'm staring one in the face.”

“Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one.”

“Happiness is a warm puppy.”

“It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.”

“Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer.”

“I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it.”

“No matter how much the cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens.”