About this quote

Understanding another person takes deliberate effort. Slow down and try to see the limits and pressures shaping their choices. Ask clear questions and listen without planning your reply so you can catch motives you would otherwise miss. When you do that work, your responses become fairer and more useful.

When to use it

• Work — performance review: After a missed deadline, I said, "Tell me what obstacles you ran into so I can understand your side before we decide next steps."
• Family — teenager fight: After my son slammed the door, I told myself to sit down with him and ask what's going on instead of yelling right away.
• Healthcare — clinic consult: With a patient refusing treatment, I paused and asked about their home situation and costs before changing the plan.
• Sports — coach talk: After a player kept taking bad risks, I asked about his confidence and stress levels rather than benching him on the spot.