“True friendship is an identity of souls rarely to be found in this world. Only between like natures can friendship be altogether worthy and enduring. Friends react on one another. Hence in friendship there is very little scope for reform.”
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Probable attribution
This saying is widely associated with Mahatma Gandhi, but the attribution is not supported by a reliable primary source.
Likely origin: Same Autobiography friendship passage, in its fullest form; not verbatim-confirmed to the primary.
About this quote
Because close friends soak up each other's traits, real friendship makes a poor tool for fixing someone. You can't stand apart and correct a person you're steadily becoming like; the pull runs both ways at once. Better to choose friends for who they already are than for who you hope to remake them into.
When to use it
- A woman who befriends a heavy gambler hoping to steady him ends up gambling herself.
- Someone learns that lecturing a close friend about smoking only strains the bond and changes nothing.
- Parents notice their teen's manners mirror his crowd, so they worry about the crowd, not the sermons.