About this quote

People aim to make things better and call that progress, but they rarely check who gets hurt along the way. Look at the quiet harms: a harsh word that deters a kid, a cut in social services, a shortcut that breaks trust. You can reduce the damage by noticing where your choices touch others and then making one small, concrete change. Who benefits? Who pays? Act on the answer.

When to use it

• Work — At the meeting where they proposed outsourcing our team, I told the director, 'Think about who pays; those choices leave real marks,' before asking for a phased plan.
• Family — When my partner wanted a long punishment for our teen, I said, 'Remember the line about marks and scars,' and suggested a consequence that teaches and repairs.
• Community — During the neighborhood hearing about the new road, a resident quoted the line to argue against a plan that would tear through the playground.
• Sports — After the coach yelled at a kid for missing a shot, another parent pulled him aside and said, 'Think about the marks you leave on these players.'