“It is a curious thing, the death of a loved one. We all know that our time in this world is limited, and that eventually all of us will end up underneath some sheet, never to wake up. And yet it is always a surprise when it happens to someone we know. It is like walking up the stairs to your bedroom in the dark, and thinking there is one more stair than there is. Your foot falls down through the air, and there is a sickly moment of dark surprise as you try to readjust the way you thought of things.”
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About this quote
Grief often catches us by surprise even when we know it is coming. The brain can register the fact of loss without the feelings landing at the same time, leaving you shocked and awkward for a while. Do one simple practical thing to anchor yourself — call a friend, sit down, or make a list of immediate tasks. Give yourself permission to postpone major decisions until the sharpness fades, and tell someone you trust how you feel.
When to use it
- At work I told my manager, "I just lost my father and I'm still in shock — I need tomorrow to sort things out," instead of pretending I could focus on a meeting.
- After my teammate's sudden death I told the coach, "I can't play right now; I keep expecting them to be in the locker room," and asked to be given time off.
- When my partner died, I found myself walking into empty rooms; I started with one small daily task, like making coffee, to keep my days on track.
- Sorting through a grandparent's affairs, I told the lawyer, "I'm too raw to sign anything today — give me a week to breathe and review the papers."