About this quote

Most people want the polished version of someone, but real relationships include the rough, messy parts too. Own the pieces of yourself that are hard to like and tell people what you need; don't shrink to fit someone else's checklist. Ask yourself: who stays when you are at your worst? If someone walks away because you've been messy, that's their choice; make yours by keeping your standards.

When to use it

• After a blow-up with my partner about my temper, I told them, "If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best," and then left the room to cool off.
• Performance review: I admitted to my manager I missed the target because I burned out and said, "If you can't handle me at my worst, then we're not a good match," to set expectations.
• At a family meeting after my relapse, I said, "I'm messy right now—if you can't be here for that, I don't need you for the easy days," so everyone knew where I stood.
• Locker room after three bad games: I told the coach, "If you can't handle me at my worst, you won't see my best," and then signed up for extra practice.