About this quote

Opening yourself to another person hands them real access to your feelings, and that access can hurt when things go wrong. The pain is not a sign you failed; it is the obvious cost of letting someone matter. Pay attention to where you feel raw and ask what you need to protect yourself without shutting the other person out. Say the hard thing, set a boundary, or step back — those are concrete moves you can make when being hurt by someone you love.

When to use it

• After my breakup last month I told my friend I felt exposed — I kept thinking about how love lets someone get inside you and mess you up.
• When my partner and I were about to sign the lease I admitted I was nervous because moving in feels like giving someone access to everything, and I quoted Gaiman to explain why.
• After my mentor praised my work and then tore it apart in front of others, I told a colleague I took it so personally because I care, exactly the kind of vulnerability Gaiman talks about.
• After a heated argument with my dad I called my sister and said I know I let him in and that left me shaken — I said it felt like what Gaiman described.