“Experience has taught me that civility is the most difficult part of Satyagraha. Civility does not here mean the mere outward gentleness of speech cultivated for the occasion, but an inborn gentleness and desire to do the opponent good. These should show themselves in every act of a Satyagrahi.”
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Probable attribution
This saying is widely associated with Mahatma Gandhi, but the attribution is not supported by a reliable primary source.
Likely origin: M. K. Gandhi, An Autobiography / Satyagraha in South Africa (c.1925-29); on civility as the hardest and an inborn part of Satyagraha.
About this quote
Manners you switch on for an audience are the easy, hollow kind. What's genuinely hard is wanting your opponent's good and letting that wish show in how you actually treat them — not smooth words over a cold heart, but warmth that survives being tested in the middle of a real disagreement.
When to use it
- During a heated dispute, one side keeps looking for what would truly help the other, not just for polite phrasing.
- A negotiator drops the practiced smile and actually tries to leave the rival better off than a win-at-all-costs deal would.
- Mid-argument, a spouse checks whether the tone still carries real care or has curdled into scoring points.