About this quote

Turning an opponent into an ally removes the fuel for conflict and frees energy for actual work. It asks you to stop treating every disagreement like a win-or-lose fight and to look for one small step that shows respect. Try asking a single honest question in the next argument: what do they need? You won't fix every relationship, but shifting your aim from beating the other person to finding common ground changes how they act toward you.

When to use it

• Work — After a heated budget fight between two departments, you tell the room, 'Lincoln said you destroy your enemies by making them your friends. Let's find what both teams need and stop keeping score.'
• Family — After arguing with your sibling about the estate, you call and say, 'I don't want more battles. Can we try to be partners instead of enemies? Think about Lincoln's line.'
• Sport — After a rowdy local derby, you shake the rival captain's hand and say, 'We can be fierce on the pitch, but off it let's be decent to each other. That kills the hate.'
• Money — Negotiating with a stubborn creditor, you say, 'I'm not here to wreck you; let's agree a plan. Turning an enemy into a friend gets better results than fighting.'