About this quote

People tend to assume others hold the same standards they do, and that assumption causes most of the shock when someone lets them down. When words and actions run on different tracks, plans fall apart and trust erodes quickly. Use small, verifiable steps to test someone's promises and base your reliance on what they actually do. Who in your life has shown by action that their words are reliable? If people keep failing you, change how much you depend on their promises.

When to use it

• At a project meeting at work: "If you mean you'll finish the slides, send a draft by Friday so I can count on it, not just hear you say it."
• When a friend asks to borrow money: "Okay, name the date you'll pay me back and send a reminder text—I'll trust the date more than the promise."
• Talking with a partner about chores: "If you mean you'll take the kids on Saturdays, add it to the calendar so I can plan my time around it."
• Before a teammate commits to extra training: "Say you'll show up for the drills and then actually be there; otherwise I'll start the season without you."