George Carlin Quotes & Sayings

“I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.”

“The planet is fine. The people are fucked.”

“The reason I talk to myself is because I'm the only one whose answers I accept.”

“Never underestimate the power of stupid people.”

“Some people see things that are and ask, Why?”

“I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.”

“Tell people there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure.”

“How is it possible to have a civil war?”

“The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.”

“In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.”

“Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.”

“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”

“Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. He has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do, and if you do any of them he has a special place full of fire, smoke, torture and anguish where he will send you to live and suffer forever.”

“Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.”

“Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.”